What
is love? Why do we fall in love? When will we fall in love? Love, as we know, is
difficult to define. Some people said that love is a great power which makes
our life very colorful and important. When we are falling in love with a person
and that person do the same feeling to us, we will feel that the world is very
beautiful. There
are only we and our love there and no one in this world can disturb and take
this our beautiful world. However, sometimes love can hurt our heart. Have you
ever hurt because of love? As a human being, I ever experienced a deep love
feeling to someone and hurt so much when I could not show my feeling and saw
the reality that I could not posses someone who I loved.
I
ever falling in love with someone, but I was very difficult to show it. He was my friendship. Our first meeting was
in a school organization. He was the figure of smart and handsome person and
every woman liked him
at that time. We were close
enough. He very understood all about
me. As a friendship, he gave me more attention and so did I.
He was care about everything I did. When I had
a problem, he
always helped me to solve it. He became my best problem solver, listener,
advisor, and also my best spirit to face my life. For the first I never felt any special feeling to him,
but because we often spent many time together I felt that there was something different
hidden in my heart and I aware that it was my deep love feeling to him.
Since that love feeling came to me,
everything was changed. Everytime
I met him my heart trembled so fast. My eyes
sometimes seemed to say something to him, but I dared no to do. Directly my
body wanted to go away against my feeling. It caused of my soul that could not
be controlled every time he was near to me. Actually I wanted always next to him, but I was afraid. I wonder if he would
know that I had special feeling to him and I didn’t want that happen. I always
though that I am a woman and that will be not good if I seemed to love a man
and let it appear in front of him. I prefer if he declared his love to me first
than I did.
He began look at me with very different way. Maybe he
though that there was something strange in my self.
He asked me what happened and why I didn’t act just as usually. I could only
answer nothing. Actually I could
feel that he also had special feeling to me, but I didn’t know why he never said it. It sometimes made me hesitate.
I was worried that maybe I was too confident. He didn’t love me but he only did usual thing that usually done by a friendship.
One day he moved to another city to collage. I felt hurt
so much
because I didn’t want he leaved me. Before he went, he asked me whether I agreed or not if he went to another city. At
that time I answered “yes, of course. It doesn’t matter”. From his eyes I could
see that he didn’t expect that answer but he never told me.
When
he was already far from me, I felt that this world was very dark and meaningless even though we always still had good communication.
I felt that I did my life alone
without he who I loved beside me. My days were full of sadness and loneliness.
One night, one of my friends came to me and told me everything about him that
actually he loved me, but he couldn’t tell me because he thought that I had
already have a special person in my life and it was not him. Then my friend
asked me did I love him too or not and at that time I only answer “not” because
I was shy to tell my feeling to anyone.
Day
after day, after I answered my friend’s question, I could see some differences
on him. He never contacted me again, never appeared his self in front of me and
never showed his attention to me. I felt that what I said to my friend hurt him
so much, but it also happened to me. My heart like got stabbed and it was very
sick. If I could I want to tell him that I loved him too, but I could not. My
heart always forced me not be honest with my feeling.
One
day he came to my house and brought a woman. He showed me his best smile when
entered my house which seemed to contain a deep meaning, but I didn’t know what
it was. Then he introduced the woman to me and said that she was his girl
friend. I could not say anything. I just smile and said “How beautiful your
girlfriend is”. Nothing I could do and nothing I could say again. Why that
should happen to me, why he came to me and made me shatter? Is it my fault that
I never to be honest to myself and him? Does it mean that he will never be mine
if I only to be silent? Only those words were coming in my mind. Since that bad
thing happened to me, I tried to restrain my self not to be easily loving
someone because it can only made me hurt.
Disability
to show a deep feeling and saw the reality that someone who I loved having
special relationship with another people made me realized that love is not
always bring happiness. Love sometimes can hurt our heart if we can’t posses
someone that we admire.